the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
