we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
