hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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