I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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