dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.