I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
