I hate your face
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."