I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
