Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Houston, we have a blender
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
