ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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