Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
