Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
