question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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