So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She's like a pop up book from hell.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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