What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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