Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
