I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
