Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
