Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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