no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
