dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
