you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
