How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You may now shotgun with the bride
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
