i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
