I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize