I can text with my tongue
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
