I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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