I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
