he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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