i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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