is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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