Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
