Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
