peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
