I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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