And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
