i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
