omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
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Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
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If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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