So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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