I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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