I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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