There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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