I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
