Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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