Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
