Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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