I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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