my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
