so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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