I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
