I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
