somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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