since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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