I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
