Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
