so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
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we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
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I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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