So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
