I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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