my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
