3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
