That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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