Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
