yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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