I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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