Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
