I wish life had little blips of pornography
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
