First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
