Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
