my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
