Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
