Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
