Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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