Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
