u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I need moral support for this bender
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
