I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
